mask funk

net

The nearest internet cafe (if you can call it that) from here is a 2-boother inside a grocery kiosk, the other side of the taxi rank - about a 7 minute walk towards the mountain. I decide to try this first.

Taxis (minibuses) are still the most popular form of public transport in South Africa. The local rank is still divided up (a throwback) - on one side, taxis service the black townships of Khayelitsha, Nyanga, Maccassar, Philippi and Gugulethu. Over the railway bridge, taxis run to the so called coloured areas of Bonteheuvel, Mannenberg, Athlone and Heideveld.

The small internet booth is run by a woman from the DRC who informs me that she doesn't know anything about the computers so not to bother asking. I pay my 5 Rands (about 35p) for half an hour to find that the dial-up is slow and pages take ages to load. After about 10 minutes (of my half hour) the owner tells me that she needs to close up. She waves her hand impatiently - telling me that I can come back later and finish. I make a mental note not to return.

Next I try the internet cafe owned by 3 Nigerian brothers further up towards the main road. Sandwiched in between 2 of the 50 or so local hairdressing salons, this 15 booth joint is packed and noisy. Across the road, kwaito booms out of speakers set either side of the doorway of a plastics store. Outside, taxi drivers shriek at passers-by; 'Wynberg, Claremont, Claremont Wynberg!' I pay my 5 Rands and take a seat in between a student surfing Oprah's site and a Ghanaian woman who joggles her young son on her knee while speaking to relatives in Accra via video messaging. (If you want to road-test the most ingenious uses of new technology - try any big city in Africa). There are now 47 unopened messages in my inbox but the server is slow and it is hard to concentrate. There's a message from the producer in Cannes but I can't open it. On the PC screen of the adjoining booth, is a jerky 'frame grab' video image of the Ghanaian woman who sobs into webcam, 'We both miss you so much.'
I make a mental note to come back only if I have to.

I practically sprint the two miles along the main road to a state-of-the-art internet cafe in a copy shop. Here everything is broadband and flat screened. The sofas are bright and colourful. I zap through my emails in 8 minutes. The meetings in Cannes sound positive. My half hour costs R4.

I make a mental note to come back (that's when I have to).

Blower

After a petulant pots filter, controlling cap, lazy LAN and burnt telephone wire (my fault that one) the latest telecommunications defect is an intermittent and evasive router fault that has developed gradually over the last fortnight.

This one is also infuriatingly undetectable. The minute the phone is put down, the ADSL switches off - so the phone has to be taken off the hook to go back online. So no calls can be received while online half the time.

But the other half of the time, it all works perfectly.

They've checked the exchange and say everything is fine. Whenever the Telkom blokes come (which is twice this week) the fault mysteriously goes away. And when they've gone, it comes back again.

Hmmmm. Maybe it's the weather. Or something to do with those disappearing bees...

Capped

Spoilers: rant ahead

When I rant - it's usually about some impediment to my online activity.

Tried to open my inbox the other morning to find this message displayed 'Sorry but you have reached the limit of your broadband cap for this month - so yaa boo and sucks. However there are certain ways you can continue with your online activity - namely:

1) Blah (expensive)
2) Blah blah (more expensive)
3) Blah blah (astronomical)

For months I jaunted through the www without a thought about my cap. When the man came and fitted up the broadband many moons ago - he did discuss options. A monthly package of 2 Gigs per month for 24 hour access (download/surf-ability) seemed more than generous. That is supposed to allow for 33,000 web page views per month. I mean who on earth does that much browsing?
I even asked whether it was likely that the 2 Gig cap could be breached in a month. The man scoffed, 'No Aunty! You'd have to watch a whole feature film online to use up that cap.' Hmm sounded perfectly reasonable at the time - but I've since realised that's the equivalent of watching ONE measly 3 minute Youtube video online per day! (agghhhh)

And since the cap counters seem to have become more zealous, I avoid youtubes like the plague. If I so much as glimpse a moving image, I navigate away.

So here I am either offline or sneaking in posts on dial up until the end of the month. Unless maybe I increase my cap....


Update

(If this was in a script, it would probably result a note - 'stretches the bounds of possibility'...)
Anyway attempted to burn garden refuse this morning and the flames leapt so high that they burned through the telephone cables. So now no telephone access whatsoever - dial-up or otherwise.
Zippo, zilch oeuf.

Until those tardy Telkom men arrive - probably in around 10 days time.

Boo hoo