Monday, October 13, 2008

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts

Please forgive my writing as English is not my first language. I want to tell you about my wife. Am worried lately because she thinks she has magic powers and can influence the world through her blog which she started 2 years ago. She spends the whole day in front of the computer - because she is trying to write film scripts - though I keep telling her to do something more worthwhile.

Lately she is convinced that the blog can predict the future and change world events. She thinks the same thing about her status updates on facebook. There is a group of bloggers who are just as cuckoos as she is. They all join in and leave comments and encourage her. Now my wife is using up our 3 gig internet cap by mid month.

I love my wife dearly even though we have nothing in common and she talks too fast. She has a nice smile and sometimes cooks tasty chicken though I wonder at times if she is of the lesbian persuasion. I think she just misses her friends who all live in London. She finds it hard to get on with all my family and didn't want them to slaughter a goat for our 7th wedding anniversary on Saturday.

Miss Lonelyhearts, I don't understand and have no idea what to do. I try and talk but she snaps back and threatens to jump on a plane back to the UK. Lately she started covering the walls of the house with huge drawings of her facebook friends. I think she has lost the plot and has no idea what is real anymore.

Please help me Miss Lonelyhearts and tell me what to do. I posted this quick while she is in the bath.

Kind regards,

Far Away's husband

10 comments:

misslonelyhearts said...

Dear Far Away's husband

Sorry to hear you feel as though you are having a tough time of it all.

Your wife does indeed have bunch of wacky friends over the seas but you should embrace these friendships too and join her on her journey through life - I am sure her friends also have husbands/partners/boyfriends in exactly the same position as you.

In fact, one recently wrote and described the very same thing to me as he felt his partner is "married to the masses", but as he spends most of his time studying for exams and working late, quite frankly, he can't complain.

As for the encouragement her wacky mates give her - well that's a few hours less a day you have to spend telling her how great she is...see where I'm going on this? View it as a grand thing, my man, not a sticking point. And the 3 Gb capacity - throw caution to the wind and buy some more.

As for the slaughter of the goat - I'm sure it's a perfectly normal thing to do of an evening with your family, but you have to remember to celebrate and accept the differences between people - that's what make our little world such a wonderful place.

You should really rejoice in your wife's amazing talents and embrace her cyber relationships with her wacky mates online and around your house. Suggest she even form an online gallery of portraits of them all - a kind of modern times nod to the 'New Bloomsbury Set'.

One last hint - try not to crush her spirit and creativity otherwise she will be on the next plane to LHR.

Best
Miss Lonelyhearts

Anonymous said...

Give your wife a big slap! She's a selfish cow, always on that internet, messing your house up. next time you should get that goat, slaughter it, and rub her face in it.

And while she's in the bath, do you fancy a quick snog??

Far Away said...

Thanks both

Will have to be more careful when I go for a bath..
:)
Life goes on.

lezza said...

Dear Husband,

Your wife is indeed of lesbian persuasion.

*licks lips*

Far Away said...

Howzit Pot!

You enjoyed this post didn't you - you wicked person.

potdoll said...

LOL lol lol lol it wasn't all me!

Helen Smith said...

Thought I'd left a comment on this last night. It's very funny.

Happy anniversary xx

Far Away said...

Thanks Helen!

Lara said...

Sorry gals, just checking in again - I have to confess my Agony Aunt input tendencies, I'm afraid. ;) xxx

Elinor said...

Arf!