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Fat 100

Yes the 100th blog post today! Wooee!

Give yourself a pat on the back,
pat on the back,
pat on the back,
give yourself a pat on the back
100 posts today
far away!

Seems to be that quiet time of year when script somebodies are not at their desk or they're at Cannes or not at Cannes or on their way or pretending to be.

Now is probably a good time to take stock of what's happened so far this year. I've submitted scripts and synopses left, right and centre that I've yet to hear about. I did a crash course in Xhosa (although far from fluent, I did gain an 'overview'.) I stepped off a lucrative scriptwriting job (for jolly good reason) and won 2nd prize in a script competition that no one has ever heard of. I had 2 rejections from Beeb drama that were so fabulously positive they could be mistaken for acceptances - almost (ha!). I wrote and submitted a short I haven't heard about yet, reworked a feature drama into a radio play for a comp and found a UK producer for another feature drama submission. Also did plenty of honing, tweaking, refining and re-writing and am now working on these jazz stories. Plus an SA producer is in Cannes with my 'hot' project - let's see.

Distant shores beckon perhaps.

(any other Shiny Show fans out there?)

TV

Radio was quite big in my home as a child since we didn't have a TV until I was well into my teens - a fact which often bemuses producers and others that I work with nowadays. I remember my grandmother in Wigan had a huge radio on her sideboard that was always tuned ready for 'Waggoner's Walk'. When her programme came on, she sat in front of the radio and listened.

I don't remember missing out by not having TV - although in one lesson at school we were asked what our favourite programme was and I sat anxiously wondering what I could say. It didn't matter anyway because the first child said 'Starsky and Hutch' and so did the next and the next and the next. So when it came to me I just said 'Starsky and Hutch' and hoped I was pronouncing the title correctly because I hadn't a clue what it was.

Later on when we did have a TV - viewing was carefully regulated by my mother (who now doesn't have a TV at all.) After 7.30pm TV watching was over. I don't know whether they had the watershed but my mum's cut off time was well before it! I remember standing in my pyjamas peeking through a central heating grill half way up the stairs trying to watch the end of 'Z Cars'.

Now here with satellite DSTV there are over a hundred channels - more to choose but less choice (of anything that I really want to see.) When I first moved to these shores, I watched Eastenders probably more avidly than I had in the UK. The characters and storylines were familiar compared to those in the local soaps. Also Eastenders had a regular early evening timeslot and was pretty much synchronous with the UK transmissions. Last year they suddenly revised the schedules and lumped Eastenders into an omnibus edition on Sundays. In a family - even with a split decoder - TV watching is often about bagging your programme ahead of others - ahead of the children's TV and ahead of the sports or news. So for me, Sunday afternoon was out. BBC Prime is still my channel of choice - despite being crammed with lifestyle/makeover programmes fronted by curious hermaphoditic presenters with plastic spectacles and names that are either monosyllabic or double barrelled.

In this household, local stations are 'must see' mainly for news or local sports. The main broadcaster SABC attracts the greatest share of the South African audience - mainly because it is free-to-air. The vast portion of the population does not have access to anything other than terrestrial TV, if that. Radio has a wider reach particularly in the rural areas. In the townships there are often up to 30 people in a room - all watching a popular local TV drama such as 'Home Affairs'.

snip: this rather rambling post has been cut. I'll write more about the local broadcaster in a separate post

thisandthat

Not too much to report - still awaiting various outcomes from here and there and this and that. One local organisation was pleasant enough to email back and say that their hold up was due to 'language issues.'

Am a bit annoyed that a DVD I posted to a producer in the UK on 28th April did not arrive in time to be included with another submission. Agggh - probably all my fault - should've sent it speed post or courier but it would have been a whopping R497 (nearly 50 quid) Anyway - cross fingers that they'll accept it late.

For those who may be interested, I'm writing up a series of interviews with some of South Africa's jazz legends - which I think I might post here (after they've been published).

98th post - getting there slowly - hope to find something exciting for that all important 100th!

Laters

dancing

Was driving through Heideveld yesterday when T Rex - Cosmic Dancer came on the radio. Eish - not heard that in years. Now the lyrics are stuck in my head

I was dancing when I was twelve
I was dancing when I was twelve

Blower

After a petulant pots filter, controlling cap, lazy LAN and burnt telephone wire (my fault that one) the latest telecommunications defect is an intermittent and evasive router fault that has developed gradually over the last fortnight.

This one is also infuriatingly undetectable. The minute the phone is put down, the ADSL switches off - so the phone has to be taken off the hook to go back online. So no calls can be received while online half the time.

But the other half of the time, it all works perfectly.

They've checked the exchange and say everything is fine. Whenever the Telkom blokes come (which is twice this week) the fault mysteriously goes away. And when they've gone, it comes back again.

Hmmmm. Maybe it's the weather. Or something to do with those disappearing bees...

Race matters

John August answers a query about type-casting and race in Hollywood;

"I am an African-American aspiring screenwriter and I was curious about how the industry views us. Are Black screenwriters seen as being able to only write material with themes pertaining to our race?"

Read the rest of the post here.

May

There've been a lot of holidays here lately: Friday, then Monday was a school holiday and yesterday another bank holiday - so maybe things can get back to normal now. Plus the last couple of weekends have also been taken up with children's parties - my daughter's friends now turning 5. So come Saturday it was off up the N1 to BugZ - a play park with giant dolls houses, paddle boats, mini trains and trampolines and ponies and the like. Think I might have my next birthday there.


Later

Taboo

I do love a bit of taboo. Every so often I read a news story that, in my opinion would make a fantastic film and which I'd love to write the screenplay for. So in a first for this blog, I've decided to declare my interest in this news item - "75 year old Granny & her 25 year old Gambian lover" here .

I know that there are all kinds of legal issues with scripting a real story (about real people.) But aside from this and in the unlikely event that anyone has managed to snap up the film rights from this duo, I'm your writer.

How I'd love to get right inside their heads. She - sedate, reserved, well travelled and now 'livid' with her granddaughter's betrayal in a revelatory article in the Guardian earlier this week. He - the softly spoken black outsider, forced to smoke out of a bedroom window and with no one else to talk to.

It's not just the obvious age and cultural differences that attract me but the whole idea of 'impropriety' in middle England and the subtly embedded prejudices at play within and outside the family. I know this 'type' of story pops up fairly frequently but this particular tale resonates with me.

The 'family values' sub text of the Daily Mail's story here focuses on why a gentile, respectable elderly lady of means from the 'picturesque village of Buriton' should embark on such an 'unsuitable' and (probably) doomed relationship. No one seems too interested in imagining what the young man may be thinking.

Yes there have been other films about supposedly 'mis-matched romance' notably The Mother brilliantly scripted by Hanif Kureishi and Vers le Sud (Heading South) with Charlotte Rampling and my all time favourite: Harold and Maude but this story seems to offer even more fascinating possibilities.

What do you think? And have you come across a news story you'd love to script?

Rain

I think we had 100% rain today because it rained non stop and about 17 inches - so that must be 100% don't you think? Update: it has now been raining solidly for 48 hours - if it carries on like this someone's going to have to build an ark.

You can tell this post is filler - I'm speeding rapidly towards my 100th (92nd this one) so have throw in a few empties. Tee hee.

Plus I wanted to equal February's rate of 20 posts in one month.

Done that.

woo hoo!

It may sound like I'm making this up but……

Yesterday the phone rang. It was long distance and quite a bad crackly line and a woman with a West African accent asked to speak to Barbee*. Now Barbee is my Sierra Leonean middle name which I never use and so in two minds I answered hesitantly 'Yes...speaking?'. Then the lady asked me to hold because she was putting a call through from Lagos School of Studies*. I waited for 20 seconds while the line crackled, then suddenly imagining that either this was a new type of 491 spam telephone scam or that I'd somehow agreed to accept a reverse charge call from someone I didn't know in Nigeria, I slammed down the phone. Yes - a bit unfriendly I know but I'm from the yookay.

The minute I slammed down the phone I had a blinding realisation. You see I'd thought the only people who ever call me by my African middle name are some or all of my eleven half brothers and sisters from Sierra Leone (not that I'd slam down the phone on any of them I must point out). EXCEPT I suddenly remembered that nearly 2 years ago I had gone in for some poorly advertised 'panafrican' scriptwriting competition and had posted my entry to - wait for it - an address in Lagos. In an Afro moment I had decided to use my middle name on my entry because it seemed appropriate for this contest. Though I must point out that I have never done this before. Anyoldhow the closing date passed, no winners were announced and the original competition details and website disappeared off the face of the web within 6 months. So I thought 'Ahh well' crossed it out of my script log book and carried on with my life.

Recalling this, I rushed eagerly to the PC, googled here and there and lo and behold! there was evidence of the long forgotten script competition and unbelievably - the winners were due to be announced at a ceremony THIS FRIDAY in Lagos!!
Of course my mind started whirring like a frantic thing and spinning all sorts of delicious outcomes in my head. I immediately rattled off a polite but cautious email noting that from my perusals of the web, the results of the 'panafrican' script competition seemed imminent, and would they please keep me informed etc. since I had in fact received a call from Lagos that very afternoon but unfortunately the line had become disconnected. (Ahem ahem) and signed off with first name, MIDDLE NAME last name - just in case there was any confusion.

First thing this morning I received a response informing me that the competition assistant 'Begonia* will respond shortly' Hmmm.

Later on this afternoon I received an email saying that they had tried to contact me over a month ago and "Please note that the jury has long concluded on the selection process and the first five scripts will be recognized during this April 27th conference. I am not very sure you will be able to attend and I am glad to inform you that your script took the second position. It would have nice to have you present during the award presentation. All the same, if you have someone in Nigeria whom you think could act as a proxy that will be honoured."

Woo hoo perhaps or woo who? Maybe there's a small amount of money involved or maybe not - (there's supposed to be). 2nd prize. That is affirmation of sorts isn't it? I don't think I'll be getting on a plane to Lagos though.

Watch this space.

* All names have been changed to protect the innocent

Opportunities

Ok some fresh stuff this month - with a couple of opportunities for makers of short films.

First up there's a competition for African filmmakers being organised by the Women Filmmakers of Zimbabwe and the Goethe-Institut supported by the Art in Africa Foundation.

This is a themed competition which is inviting filmmakers to 'engage with the challenges facing the African continent through the medium of film.' The contest is open to young professional filmmakers resident in any African country and operates in 2 phases. Phase 1 is a scriptwriting competition and Phase 2 is a development period resulting in the selection and awarding of production funds to 3 winning scripts.

For more details visit the website here. The closing date is 30th June 2007

Happy Snaps is a call for proposals for 8 - 10 minute 'feel-good' lesbian & gay films. The call is open to those who have some filmmaking experience, but who may not have yet had the opportunity to make a film. Organised by Out in Africa South African Gay & Lesbian Film Festival and the Italian Institute of Culture the request is for 'simple scripts'. For further details on how to submit visit the website here and click on 'Happy Snaps'

The Writing Studio has a range of frequently updated opportunities on their website here. This is where I saw a general call for 'scripts, stories, synopses or treatments for international co-productions as well as South African television ideas' from Slim Films. There's not much other information so perhaps best to query first - write to: laurette@slim-films.com

Update:

Details of the latest the Mnet Edit 'learner based initiative created to provide emerging film and television talent with genuine production opportunities within a real world television environment' have been announced. For more details visit the Mnet site by clicking here.

To catch up on previous opportunities and deadlines click on the 'opportunities' label in the sidebar.

Also remember to check back very soon for updates. I often receive information on other opportunities straight after I've posted!

Later

Alphabets

For some time now, I've been fascinated by the relationship between writing and drawing - and in particular the pictorial origins of writing. Part of the appeal is the beautiful graphics of some 'early writing'.

A recent birthday present was Lyn Davies lush 'A is for Ox' which tracks the pictographic origins of the Western alphabet. Another book I've been looking at is Steven Roger Fischer's absorbing 'A History of Writing' which covers the origins, forms, functions and chronological changes of the world's major writing systems and their scripts.

Saki Mafundikwa has managed to put together a partial but extraordinary, illustrated array of alphabets and syllabaries* from across Africa. In this colourful book 'Afrikan Alphabets' he relates how in 1896 King Ibrahim Njoya of the Bamum Kingdom in Cameroon undertook a massive effort to develop and install a local system of writing called 'Shu-mom'. Although much of this work was later destroyed by French rule, Njoya's children have since made an effort to preserve some of these amazing scripts and records. Here is an illustration.

click on pic to go large

* list of characters representing syllables

Karma

There are a couple of exciting writing things - simmering away - that I'd like to blog about right now - but can't since I'm a convert to the '3 karmic principles of blogging for writers'*

1) Don't blog in detail about anything for which the outcome is yet undecided
2) Don't blog in detail about anything for which you desire a favourable outcome
3) Be vague about specifics and don't mention names.

Laters

* which I just made up

Rumbles

Problems with SABC reach crisis point.

The full article in the Mail and Guardian is available here.

Blogwriters

Ever wondered what is the point of blogs for writers?

To read the findings of Miss Cellany's recent analysis click here.

and feedback on a UK Writers' Guild event on 'blogs for writers' is available here.

Butternut

Was going to post about what's cooking writing-wise at the moment but thought it best just to keep things simmering away (on low) on the back burner. And I'll post about butternut instead - which is a staple food over here - with butternut soup, butternut mash, butternut pie. Hub loves it and now I'm a reluctant convert.

When my daughter was little I used to sing her this little song:

'You can't butter up a butternut
You can't butter up a butternut
La la la la'

The one day hub brought home a particularly big butternut and I drew a face on it and some ears and my daughter fell in love with it and named it 'Baby Butternut' and wrapped it in a blanket and took it for walks in her pushchair and kissed it and put it to bed. Ah. Then she forgot about it and it rolled away down the back of something, somewhere in her bedroom.

One day - weeks later, craving his favourite vegetable, hub remembered the butternut and retrieved it sneakily. Hearing a bloodcurdling scream I ran to the kitchen to find my daughter in tears and orange slices piled up on the table.
'Daddy's killed Baby Butternut!' she sobbed.

Sub-text

Been discussing with a friend via IM whether the scripts by Cho Seung-Hui (the gunman responsible for America's latest mass assassination) might contain any indication of a subversive mind or intent. Both short plays Mr Brownstone and Richard McBeef are popping up everywhere all over the net - you can access them here.

My thoughts (on a cursory read) are that in Richard McBeef I wouldn't have detected anything other than bad and gimmicky writing, juvenile outlook and too much swearing. It reads like poor Tarantino-esque pastiche..
I would have been more than slightly disturbed by Mr Brownstone - not least because the play (if that is what it can be called) involves the teaching profession. Handing in something like this would be tantamount to provocation. Besides the extreme negativity and polarised positions of the 'characters', there's a complete lack of reality and humanity. I'd say this is written by someone who is not experiencing 'normal' or sane human inter-relations - maybe that is what the teacher reported. Definitely cause for concern if I was marking it.... what do you think?

Weddings and Beheadings

BBC accused of censorship after cancelling short story broadcast

The author Hanif Kureishi accused the BBC of censorship last night, after it dropped a radio broadcast of his short story describing the work of a cameraman who films the executions of western captives in Iraq.

Link to the full Guardian story click here.

Rework

Short post as I'm undertaking a major writing re-jig at the moment including a change of title, format & medium (f>r), conflation of 2 sets of characters, back to fronting, front to backing etc etc. Did 23 pages of re-drafting yesterday and now my wrists are swelling up (but then so are my ankles) so think it is probably down to the change in the weather here (getting damp) rather than RSI. Going to try and do the same amount again today.

Have been thinking quite a lot about the why fors of writing and blogging prompted by Miss cellany. One commenter on her site mentioned something about how, after a while, 'self consciousness' impacts on blogging.

Hmm maybe I'll throw in a bit of code here and there for regulars..
Anyway back to work

Later

Anonymity

There has been a flurry of posts lately wondering why scriptwriters, who are trying to carve a niche for themselves, choose to remain anonymous and whether anonymity is self-defeating. Yesterday the blogger formerly known as Pillock became the latest to 'out' himself. Update: now back in again.

So is anonymity self defeating?

In Word's online thesaurus, the antonym for 'anonymous' is 'distinctive'. In the virtual world you can be distinctive and anonymous at the same time - which maybe sums up its appeal for certain writer-bloggers.

So no I don't think that being anonymous is self-defeating. I'm anonymous mainly because it suits me. I would never have started blogging in the first place under my real name or revealed any personal information at all. And its not that I've got anything to hide. I'm not a household name. There's no big secret. I don't have (many) axes to grind. When I set out it was never my intention to create a website to showcase myself and my wares or gain work (and I don't really know whether people actually gain any scriptwriting work through blogs but maybe some do.) In fact I'm not anonymous at all to most friends (who I've told about this blog.) I've told other bloggers who I am too (so if you email me and ask me nicely, I will tell you too).

I just prefer it. Anonymity is a protective cloak - like Little Red Riding Hood's - it fictionalises.


When I started not so long ago, blogging was a novelty, fun. I thought a blog would be a great way of storing interesting thoughts and images every now and again. A work in progress. Then it became more of an obsession with tweaking and clouds and add-ons. Then comments - spawning unlikely allegiances across continents and arbitrary dialogue with complete strangers on favourite topics.

Now it is a habit and I'm perfectly happy in my anonymity. I don't see why anyone should be bothered by it.

Ow

The post below was a little dark - so now for something lighter (see it's all about pace and tempo...)

My mum, who has been told many a time that she looks like one of the Golden Girls (remember them?) - the one with a deep voice - even though she actually has quite a high pitched voice, loves entering competitions - sudoku, crosswords, everything and anything. So she wins things all the time which can come in quite handy. Anyway once upon a time she won 280 pounds worth of 'Instant Weave' hair from the Voice newspaper. Conceding that her grey bob was unlikely to be enhanced by a woolly weave-on, she sent me to receive it in her stead. So off I went, with a mate to the 'Afro Hair and Beauty Show' which at that time - took place inside an airport hangar off the north circular.

I had to sit, perched in the middle of a podium while four women with frighteningly curly fingernails pulled at my roots and cackled at the state of my dandrufty-tufty afro while attacking my head with a frenzy of clips and twists. '100% pure Chinese hair' they kept telling me. In big helpings - with gold safety pin things attached to the ends. It took hours and hours. My friend kept wandering off to have a look around at the wigs, gels, conditioners, straighteners, tongs and other delights. And each time she returned to check progress, she crumpled up on the floor in hysterics.

The crowd that gathered provided an unflattering commentary. Someone shouted out 'Poodle head'. Finally, transformed into an incarnation of Diana Ross (at her most hairy), I was set free.

I tried to stand up but the sheer weight of the new head of hair yanked me back down. I felt as though I was in drag. I understood why long-haired rocker blokes bob their heads in that jerky way - as they walk along. It was like having a curtain sewn on to my head.

I kept it in for 2 days and then pulled it all out.

Initiation

Ok this is not something I normally do - and for readers outside South Africa - this post may hold little interest (and readers within South Africa are few in number anyway!).

Right now there is a quite a hot debate in moviezone about a 4 part TV drama series which the main local broadcaster developed and commissioned, aired the first 2 episodes of and then abruptly pulled from the airwaves. Apparently this was done in response to the concerns of several powerful organisations including Contralesa who objected to the subject matter.

So what is this controversial topic that is too 'hot' to be dramatised in the new South Africa?

Xhosa 'initiation' (or male coming-of-age ceremony.)

Update: "SABC1 took the decision to halt the broadcast of the local mini series 'Umthunzi Wentaba' due to objections raised by various interest groups and the general audience." Clara Nzima Programme Manager of SABC 1 explained that in line with the corporation's organisational value of "Conversations and Partnerships" (which encourages ongoing dialogue with stakeholders), it became necessary to raise the issues in the public domain through open discussion on 'Asikhulume'. After the consultative process the SABC re-briefed the producers of Umthunzi Wentaba, taking into account the valid views raised from all stake-holders."Starting on 3 May 2007, 'Umthunzi Wentaba' will enjoy an uninterrupted 4-week broadcast, in line with the original channel schedule strategy", says Nzima.


I have also written a script on the same topic - (albeit a completely different narrative take) My story was in fact about Sotho initiation. At the time I wrote a statement of intent which I am re-posting here - as a contribution to the debate:

A close friend of my family went off to his Sotho initiation and after 10 days, was brought back dead. Shocked by this untimely death, I wanted to delve deeper and over the last two years - talked to men who have been through initiation. I found out more - although the subject is pretty much taboo.

'Death during initiation' is both important and problematic to write about. As a woman I'm automatically an outsider. Here, a Xhosa storyteller could be accused of tribalism or attacking Sotho tradition. A Sotho storyteller could be criticised for 'selling out' or even betraying their own culture. I wrote to try to understand and as an outsider, I had to try to 'get it right'.

'The script tells a story which neither condemns nor condones tradition but which unearths some of the darker aspects of ritual. Just as in gangster initiation or even the army where young men, holed up together are forced to prove themselves under duress. Though it is not what happens on the 'inside' that interested me particularly but how men 'outside' (friends and family - in particular the father) try to cope with such a sudden and terrible death. Thus it is a story that explores men's relationships via the emotional landscape of loss.

For those interested in finding out more about the controversy there's a local news story here and another news story about initiation deaths here (may be slow to load)

Monitor

Of late I've become over reliant on this glimmering screen (fatal vision, sensible to feeling as to sight). The conclusion - I'm not doing enough printing off. In the old days I'd meticulously print out every draft then spread it out, move it around, scribble here and there and even cut and paste with a pair of scissors and Pritt! Plenty of time to think and correct. But over the years - maybe it's something to with the cost of ink cartridges or the need to be close to all things online, I've fallen into the bad habit of hardly ever printing off during re-writing at all.

Right now I'm doing a thorough re-work (film to radio anyone?) and it suddenly struck me that the best action would be to print out, then read through slowly and shuffle (while sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea) away from the computer. Yes.

Then launch a pen and scissor attack.

Later

Blog-a-log

I'm thinking of doing all my blogging in a bumper 'buy one get four free' posting once a week on a Wednesday evening* or some other time when everyone else is doing something much more interesting and all the blog widgets are offline or temporarily discommoded.

But when you all come back - comments are very welcome...
*subject to change

Who's who

Nicked from Robin Kelly's website is this link to an interview with playwright Lonnie Carter who is not interested in plays about white males. Read it here

"I don’t have any hesitation writing about Black people, working with Black directors, actors. It feels comfortable. If you’re observant, you can write about cultures other than your own. Men can write about women. Blacks can write about Whites. Gays can write about straights, whatever. There should be no restrictions on what writers write."

waiting

could be good, could be bad, could be a dead end, could open doors, could lead to other things, could be a bit of a long shot, could be a wild goose chase, could be an uphill slog, could be brilliant, could be crap, could be unrealistic, could be impractical, could be a legal minefield, could be something they're already doing, could be something they've already done, could be too 'off the wall', could be too much 'on the fence', could be too edgy, could be too safe, could be too gentle, could be a quick response or a slow one, could be no reply at all, could be ..

(on the topic have a look at the brilliant cartoon on Lianne's blog here.)

Autopilot

My friend from Chapeltown in Leeds once told me how, as a child her whole family were asleep in the house one night, when the front door opened and an old drunk man staggered up the stairs and attempted to get into one of the beds. The family woke up and threw the man out.

It turned out that this man lived in their house 15 years ago and still carried the front door key on his bunch. Being an alcoholic he was used to stumbling home on autopilot.

Unfortunately that night, his memory played a trick on him...

Deadlines etc

mostly old but something new -

Mnet have resumed their New Directions scheme. They are seeking short dramas of 26 minutes in length and also a 48 minute documentary. Deadline is April 30th.
There are now two schemes - one for submissions from South Africa -
details available here. The other is for ONLY for short drama submissions from Nigeria, Kenya and Zambia and details are available here.

International deadlines
April 30th
BBC's 10th International Radio Playwriting Competition to find the next Pinter, Brecht or Soyinka. Details are available here.
May 14th
For playwrights, iceandfire and Amnesty International UK announce the first ‘Protect the Human’ playwriting competition "exploring individual stories of displacement and conflict."
May 15th
This year's All Roads Film Festival have just put out a call specifically for African films. "As the May 15th submissions deadline approaches, we are stepping-up our outreach to filmmakers, distributors and producers." For further information click on the link here: All Roads Film Festival
31st May
The forthcoming Africa in Motion film festival in Edinburgh have put out a call for 'emerging African filmmakers' to submit short fiction films or documentaries

Local deadlines
30th April
Mnet New Directions - see above
31st July
Maskew Longman Miller competition for original and unpublished drama manuscripts - information is available here.

wooooeeee!

If you want something fixed in a hurry - blog about it!

It may be entirely unconnected but - the Telkom technical people came round first thing this morning and replaced the burnt cable. Wooeee!
Telkom may be the most expensive telephone service in the world but their customer care is second to none.
Laters

Capped

Spoilers: rant ahead

When I rant - it's usually about some impediment to my online activity.

Tried to open my inbox the other morning to find this message displayed 'Sorry but you have reached the limit of your broadband cap for this month - so yaa boo and sucks. However there are certain ways you can continue with your online activity - namely:

1) Blah (expensive)
2) Blah blah (more expensive)
3) Blah blah (astronomical)

For months I jaunted through the www without a thought about my cap. When the man came and fitted up the broadband many moons ago - he did discuss options. A monthly package of 2 Gigs per month for 24 hour access (download/surf-ability) seemed more than generous. That is supposed to allow for 33,000 web page views per month. I mean who on earth does that much browsing?
I even asked whether it was likely that the 2 Gig cap could be breached in a month. The man scoffed, 'No Aunty! You'd have to watch a whole feature film online to use up that cap.' Hmm sounded perfectly reasonable at the time - but I've since realised that's the equivalent of watching ONE measly 3 minute Youtube video online per day! (agghhhh)

And since the cap counters seem to have become more zealous, I avoid youtubes like the plague. If I so much as glimpse a moving image, I navigate away.

So here I am either offline or sneaking in posts on dial up until the end of the month. Unless maybe I increase my cap....


Update

(If this was in a script, it would probably result a note - 'stretches the bounds of possibility'...)
Anyway attempted to burn garden refuse this morning and the flames leapt so high that they burned through the telephone cables. So now no telephone access whatsoever - dial-up or otherwise.
Zippo, zilch oeuf.

Until those tardy Telkom men arrive - probably in around 10 days time.

Boo hoo

older

Tomorrow I'll be one year older, again.
My present to myself; Half a Yellow Sun.

Laters.

Bandwagon

Last couple of days been getting loads of hits from people searching for info on the forthcoming No 1 Ladies' Detective Agency movie (which I mentioned last year). Several hits from Botswana - possibly from disgruntled 'large sized' Motswana women who apparently aren't 'experienced' enough for the role of Mma Ramotswe - see this article here

Final update - Jill Scott to play Mma Ramotswe

Anyhow whattagoarrnhereso?

Finished the all-important 1 page outline (after first thrashing out a detailed treatment). Feedback is very positive - and after I've made further tweaks to the page (I seem to have short-changed POV for chronology just now) Mr friend-in-scripts has offered to put it forward. How's that for jumping on the bandwagon? There's also a couple of avenues I'll pursue direct.

Later

scriptcloud

Another day, another way to procrastinate. Here you can create a scriptcloud (for no obvious reason - and that's good enough for me.) Have a look at potdoll's. Below is one of mine - not naughty at all is it?

arms belongings bends biscuits buses canteen caravan colour countryside daughters depot doorway draws drives falls foreman furiously gathers gazes glances greet grey grins horn hush kisses laughs leaps love mum nasty nods pauses peers photographs picks playground pretend pulls quiff reads registrar roadside satchel scowls shakes shocked shouts shuts sits slams smiles sob squeal stare stops strides sucks tea teacher throws thumb tries whispers

Lull

Been emailing thoughts about the new project with 'friend-in-scripts' who, having read everything I've ever written, possesses an unerring ability to 'distil inner coherence'. (Ha!)

And so yesterday I was all fired up to hit the keyboard at 8a.m. Except that it was a public holiday here - Human Rights Day and my daughter was at home all day. Plus it was Wednesday which means my mum came round at 10.30am to watch the programme on schools TV - episode 9. Then hub wanted to see some 'Duggin-Cronin and Madela' photo exhibition in the Castle. So off we went. Then on to drink strawberry juice and eat chips at News Cafe - and so I endured the prolonged lull from writing by pitching the new idea to my mum.
"Fantastic" was her verdict. "But be careful."

And she rubbed her nose mysteriously.

Faction

Inspired* by a UK-friend-in-scripts' broadcast commission to write a film treatment, I thought I too would take a foray into a genre that up till now I had never even considered.

And weirder still, when I did consider it - hey - there was a story already there - complete, intact and waiting patiently to be told.

Of course now (understandably) during the telling, the story is becoming a little anxious, prodding me in the elbow at regular intervals and proving quite a tough write. Plus this is the first time I've ever had to consider 'chronology' quite so punctiliously...

* 'propelled out of one's comfort zone by the desire for similar achievement'

Laters

In between

Yeah well for a little while longer we're still between eclipses and no doubt everything will calm down and go back to normal after Sunday's (which is about beginnings). The last one March 3rd was about endings - resoundingly so (work-wise) for me it turned out - doors slamming shut.. But scriptwriters are the authors of our own fate are we not?

Spent much of today hiding from the phone. Avoidance. I'm really not that interested in burns or God. Sorry..

Then the lady next door (aged 82) came round this afternoon to yak mainly about the woman opposite and how she's coping after burying her husband on Tuesday and how it'll all hit her hard in a week or two and how - isn't it odd that - all of a sudden - only one of the two creeping purple blooms in her front garden is flowering now?

I look across and it's true.

So yes I suppose it is.

Chit chat

I came across an intriguing article here all about trends in cell phone (mobile) use across Africa - where often one phone is shared (and passed around) by a whole family - and usually carried by the person expecting an 'important' call.

Here in SA there is widespread use of a 'please call me' free text system (a bit like reverse charge calls). The caller sends a free SMS request to be called back - I'm sure there's probably an equivalent in the UK or elsewhere..

Apparently in Mozambique, phone customers have been taking full advantage of free 2 second calls (available with one particular cell operator) and developed a way of communicating in 2 second bursts of chat, then hanging up and calling back.

Sounds a bit mad but then again, I bet it cuts out waffle. I'm sure most messages could be conveyed in 2 seconds...

Later

Opportunities round-up

A mixed bag this latest round-up - with opportunities gleaned mainly from other blogs & padded out with whatever arrived in my inbox since last time. There don't seem to be any new, local scriptwriting initiatives at present - but come back soon for updates. There's still plenty of time to prepare proposals for many of the local broadcaster's drama commissioning briefs which can be downloaded from the website here.

I'm highlighting one FREE scriptwriting competition. (There is a comprehensive list of fee-charging script contests at moviebytes.com) Kaos films in the UK are running an international short film scriptwriting contest for which there is a fee. However they also advertise an open call for ideas for hi-concept feature scripts. For those with their eyes on Hollywood, the rules are available here - read them carefully as they are very specific about the information they want to see.

And for those who have a killer pitch for the next blockbuster why not try the professional Hollywood 'pitchmeister' here? The website makes interesting reading - even if you haven't got round to writing the script just yet - hey maybe you can go and sell the idea first? On closer inspection, it seems that you have to purchase a 'how to' CD rom for $20 before you can pitch - maybe not so good after all.

For independent filmmakers and scriptwriters with less mainstream, more arthouse scripts, it is worthwhile considering the Mannheim Meetings. The submission deadline is somewhere around the end of July for meetings in Germany in October. The Mannheim Meetings can provide an invaluable opportunity to further projects at all stages of development - attract producers and even development/production finance. Pre-selected projects are published in a catalogue circulated to all the industry attendees. Further information is available on their website here.

Another avenue for scripts/projects (that have already reached a certain stage of development) is the World Cinema Fund. Information is available here - applicants do need a German partner but the WCF co-ordinators can help - if they are attracted to a particular script. Worth visiting the site just to download their rather lush brochure.

A similar fund targeted at filmmakers in 'developing countries' is attached to the Goteburg Film Festival. Information is available here. Small amounts of seed finance for development are available. The next deadline is October 1st 2007.

The wonderful Lianne over at Light and Shade has just alerted me to the upcoming Africa in Motion film festival in Edinburgh. There is a call for 'emerging African filmmakers' to submit short fiction films or documentaries. Deadline is 31st May 2007. Keep an eye on their website!

Update

This year's All Roads Film Festival have just put out a call specifically for African films. "As the May 15th submissions deadline approaches, we are stepping-up our outreach to filmmakers, distributors and producers." For further information click on the link here: All Roads Film Festival

Finally for playwrights, iceandfire and Amnesty International UK announce the first ‘Protect the Human’ playwriting competition "exploring individual stories of displacement and conflict." The deadline is May 14th 2007 and it does appear to be open to international applicants. The information is available here - read it carefully since they are quite specific about what they want and how to apply.

That's it for now. To catch up on previous updates, click on the 'opportunities' label in the sidebar. Anything I may have missed, email me at the address in my profile and I'll add it.

24 little hours

Strange day today. Mid morning I'm on my way to the pool to have a swim - but it turns out there's this school swimming gala on and the pool is closed until 2 o' clock so have to go back and wait.

On the way back, there's a small boy carrying a packet of biscuits walking just ahead with a man who is lurching all over the pavement. Then the man crumples up on the ground - blood streaming from his head. The boy sobs. I run over. So do guys from the pool. It turns out the 'man' is actually the boy's mum - very drunk. The 4 year old is the chaperone. The swimming pool guys pull the mum under the shade of a tree, plonk her teary-eyed son next to her and try to sober her up by throwing water all over her.
I'm tempted to take the boy home.

Back home, there's lots of cars parked outside. My neighbour (right side) comes to tell me that the man (opposite) died all of a sudden this morning. Yesterday he was out there gardening with his wife. They have all kinds of plants and mysterious aloes and what have you - he didn't seem ill at all.
Just before Christmas, a pipe burst in our roof and water started coming through the ceiling. At 9 o clock on a Sunday night, when not even the emergency plumber would come, he came across and told us exactly what to do to avoid disaster. Nice bloke - would have been married 50 years next January..

So went back to swim at 2 o clock in a free for all - widthers battling it out against lengthers. Snicker snack.

As you can tell - not much paperwork done today - am starting to think 'what the heck'. Life is too short.

Maybe I'll phone the accountant.

Laters

Trail

Paper, paper everywhere - receipts, bills, invoices. But where are the paperclips? I've lost the paperclips..

Crunching

Ooooooo nooooooooooooooooo a deadline I've been avoiding - accounts. Time to sit down and actually do them. I can't stand it. I hate numbers. And it's not just for the tax office - those online returns are a piece of cake - just click 'zero' in all the boxes and press 'send' and say a quick prayer ('next time.....')

No these accounts are for the 'powers that be' and they have their own specially designed, remote-controlled, index-linked, cross-referenced, tabulated accounting 'recon' forms. Is there anything worse in life than customised excel spread sheets with columns that add themselves up at the bottom when you don't even want them to? Why is it that each time a row of figures is added up, it gives a different answer?

And why are numbers so different from words huh? Why can't you corral numbers into interesting groups like words into sentences? Why can't they be handpicked just for the way they sound? Why must they add up?

And before you ask - yes I do have an accountant, but at the moment I'd have to pay him with cardigan buttons and I don't think he'd be too pleased. Went over budget (on re-editing) last year so have to step into his shoes - for now.

And I hate it.

Mam

In case anyone is interested - scenes from Disgrace are being shot just down the road from where I live . Don't quite know where but notices have gone up on all the lamp posts. Peered out of the front window to see a man on a walkie talkie reversing a big rain machine cylinder on a truck...

Anyway still catching up on films - enjoyed Helen Mirren's sterling performance in The Queen - but did wonder if a screenplay, strung together by telephone calls would have worked quite so well, were it about lesser mortals.

BTW - latest round up of local and international film/script opportunities - coming soon.

Laters

Birdsong

Even after last week's films - the image that stayed in my head was of a Nigerian 'birdman' on West African Idols (currently showing on Mnet here) He wore a customised sombrero with the brim cut into two large wing flaps pulled down low over his ears and a real life bird's head glued on to the front. The outfit was finished off with a black and white chequered cape. His song - (you've guessed) 'I believe I can fly'.


Anyway back to the writing grindstone this week. One application already checked and ready for the off.

Laters

Sunshine

Yes finally saw LMS today. Very enjoyable. Kind of reminded me of Sweetie - a bit.

Very sunny and hot today.

Five things..

Ok taking a cue from this guy - here's five things you didn't know about me - only one is false - but which one?
I'm narrowing it down to places I've lived..

1. I once lived in a council house and went to a private [fee-paying] school at the same time.
2. I once lived in a squat that was a former embassy.
3. I once lived in a house with servants.
4. I once lived in a house where you couldn't go into the front room because the floor had caved in.
5. I once lived in a caravan and didn't go to school because it was too far.

March already

Dreamgirls this morning. Daydreamed through the first third until Jennifer Hudson's electric 'scorned woman' song performance made me sit up.

Still dealing with the fallout from my decision yesterday - calls, pleads and now threats. 'This industry is small - it will have repercussions'.

Let's see...

At least I found out where that rat was.

Wednesday

Saw Babel this morning. Stunning cinematography and editing. Felt as though I was still in the film after I came out.

Great to spend time soaking up images. Maybe I'll see something light tomorrow.

Phones ringing all afternoon. At 5pm I emailed to say 'no'. And then the phones stopped.

Now hub keeps reminding me - the job would have paid for the 'big trip' later in the year. But you have to listen to your heart. I reckon we'll be going anyway..

Laters.

catching up

Taking a bit of a holiday this week to catch up on films. Saw Last King of Scotland this morning. Top performance from Forest and some brilliant lines which, here in South Africa - seem to resonate with the audience. At times it was too much charicature. Wasn't too keen on the 'whirling voodoo edit montages' . Maybe they tried to mimic the 'shaking hands' Africa magic bits of 'When we were Kings' (Rumble in the jungle) but the feel came off all wrong.

Swam six widths this afternoon as it is unseasonally hot at the moment.

Laters.

Forecast

This week's horoscope seems particularly apposite so I'm putting it up to remind myself. You can check yours out here at Mystic Stars

Aries
Image: "At a silent movie festival, a film critic scribbling notes"
Message: Reviewing the past.

Tensions in the workplace may be draining over the next few days. Prior to Wednesday colleagues or business partners may withhold important information or avoid direct questions. Later in the week, however, all returns to normal: pace yourself and expect sudden disagreements to be quietly and privately resolved. After Thursday a close friend or lover will leave old family disappointments in the past: watch for newly emerging confidence and a dedication to emotional health. For some Aries natives this marks the start of renewed social involvement or family commitment. Listen to your instincts: all is well.

Oscars

Great about Forest Whitaker and Helen Mirren. No real surprises though.
The timing of the ceremony was good this year - managed to see the main wins before breakfast.
Now going to make it a week of catching up at the cinema.

Scripts (and rats)

If in doubt talk it over with mum - ha! My mum is a children's author (and poet) so very cool to discuss work 'issues' with.

Let's go back to the beginning. A while back there was a brief - for an intriguing children's TV (storytelling series). I wrote up a proposal for a prodco - it got commissioned. I scripted and then directed it. Some bits were great, a few bits weren't. It gets re-commissioned - is that not affirmation? I receive an email from the prodco making an offer (for directing and scripting.) I say yes to both. In between I complete my own doc series, have a falling out with the 'powers that be', get over it - do everything they say. Get it finished. It goes on air. People like it.

Ok fast forward to a workshop (about the second series) I think I'm there because I'm directing and scripting again. 15 people attend - some fly in. Copious scones and tea. Colourful lunch - a big, bright, shiny occasion. We discuss the first series. Exchange opinions and ideas. Write loads of notes. The next day I receive an offer from the prodco - but only for scripting - and for a lot less than the previous series. I ask about directing and re-state my terms of trade. They agree to my terms but say the 'powers that be' want an alternative director.*

I smell a rat. (Funnily enough mum smells a rat too!) Hub says just 'take the money and run'. But I don't think I can. It's not quite like a jobbing job where I just hit the keyboard hour after hour and churn it out. I'd prefer to put my heart in it - after all I was there at the start.

So I ask to know their reason*.

It's not always about being an 'awkward so and so' (writers and directors generally are). Sometimes it's about refusing to be fodder in some unfathomable agenda...

Let's see.

Visits

Ok a confession - I've been spying on visitors (via a 30 day free subscription to hitslink.) It ends any day now so soon I'll be back to blogging oblivion.

As a procrastination tool, it tops the list - with pie charts, logs and graphs. It's been fascinating finding out about visiting patterns. Besides my regulars from the UK (you know who you are) - in the last week I have a rapidly growing number of visitors from China (all alerted by RSS feeds to new posts) Hello readers in China! Straight after posting there's a flurry of hits worldwide. Regulars pop around at more or less the same times each day. Right now the UK and US provide most readers and (surprise, surprise) South Africa one of the least. When I started I automatically assumed that local interest would be higher than international (despite a host of social inequity issues)

Maybe over the next month I'll rethink my sidebar or maybe I won't...

on hold

All back on hold with scripting right now. So much for vegetable turrets. Eish - the ups and downs of this business. Not happy with the offer. Not happy at all.
Maybe now is a good time for some business advice for scriptwriters (particularly those based here - where there is not the same emphasis on writers' agents as there is globally)

• Bide your time, don't cave in
• Keep every single email from potential employers that contains the vaguest whisper about money, contracts, schedules or work parameters. In the case of forgetful producers or offers 'lower than discussed' this is always useful evidence.
• Decline a low offer politely but mention the figure required for a 'yes'
• Know your worth especially -if you've done something before and it is being offered to you again.
• Remember none of them can do what you do or do it like you do
• Make it seem easy (especially when you know it isn't)
• Writing speed is power (especially here where development/re-writing time is virtually non-existent and everything needs to be done by tomorrow)
• At meetings, befriend the other parties - that way someone will be rooting for you somewhere.
• Make yourself indispensable (be a walking repository of relevant knowledge)
• Have lots of other things on the go
• Keep a blog [allegories ok - slatings no no]
• Don't worry, something else is just round the corner
  

Friday

Spent all yesterday in a TV workshop in a hotel in Seapoint and wish I'd taken a photo of the starter at lunch - a turret of multicoloured vegetables...
Anyway, now have to crack on with scripting for the next while.

There was a minor ripple of excitement this week when this blog received 2 mentions elsewhere in cyberland and my readership doubled overnight to 8.

BTW for regulars - the story below is now updated.

The Screenwriters

For a great article in the LA Times - click here.

Scriptwriting Feng Shui (ii)

Here is the next in the series on scriptwriting Feng Shui. For the previous post in this series, click on feng shui in the labels cloud.

One of the key things we scriptwriters struggle with - particularly in the first draft of a script is getting the story from a to b and even to z, narrative momentum; the magic ingredient that keeps the reader turning the pages and (later when the script is made) the audience glued to their seats.

So what (aside from good writing) keeps a story moving? Scriptwriting manuals talk about how each scene must achieve at least four things (move story forward, reveal or develop characters, reveal emotions, give story info etc. And of course they are all right.

Here I'm going to look at the 'chi' or energy of the script. Remember this series is not about crafting tips - more 'alternative ways of thinking through scriptwriting' and trying to decipher the 'magic' of what works. The scene', 'the act' or 'the script' will not be discussed as separate entities but as 'a whole'.

Instead of narrative momentum - here's another word:

transference

'Transference' needs to take place within each scene/act and across the entire script. So what is transference?

Well transference also means (ex)change or conversion. In terms of scriptwriting it can refer to 'cause and effect'. Transference sums up the script rules for ensuring narrative momentum, mentioned above.

But most importantly transference describes the exchange of energies that needs to take place within the scene/act/ script - whether these are exchanges of emotions, twists of story direction or mutations of possibility.

If at the beginning, character A is angry and gets mad with B, then by the end of the scene, A must be calm and B must be mad. OK for most scriptwriters this is basic knowledge. But many make the mistake of thinking that having A get mad with B is a complete scene. It isn't because there is no transference.

OK for further illumination - here's a letter. What I like about the letter X (apart from its symmetry and the fact that it is the first letter of my daughter's name) is that it works as a pictogram to demonstrate transference. (For more info on pictograms - see previous post in this series.)

X

And maybe this will be helpful too:




Disclaimer

The use of feng shui to aid scriptwriting may not always be appropriate or useful.

Where are the stories?

The expert (who had contemplated the cosmos from observatories all over the globe) mentioned that there were now lots more stories from 'all over' and 'they were in a box somewhere.' The expert preferred stars to people. He had grown pallid and flabby from years of sedentary study.

The co-ordinators made an appointment to collect the stories. They arrived to find sheaves of stories and myths on odd shaped papers, in numerous languages, some typed up, some handwritten - in a stack that touched the ceiling. 'Oh you can't take them away', the expert said, 'that's years of research'. He pointed to the photocopier in the corner. The co-ordinators made another appointment and came back early in the morning. They were looking for moral stories - not just any old stories. The expert giggled knowingly into his telescope.

The co-ordinators shuffled and stacked and read and sorted until they grew dizzy. Finally they had a pile of stories that was not too big. Photocopying took a whole day. Then they took the stories back to the office and tried to order them.

The producers grew impatient 'Where are the stories?' they asked the writer. 'I'm waiting for them' the writer replied. The producers emailed the co-ordinators 'Where are the stories?' There was no reply.

In the office, the co-ordinators started to panic - the more they read, the more unmanageable the task became. The stories were unruly - they had no morals, they were uncontrollable - they refused to be sorted.

*update*
In the end the co-ordinators gave up and stuffed the photocopies back into boxes and hid them at the back of the stationery cupboard. One of the co-ordinators put half a ream of blank paper into an envelope. The other typed an apologetic letter.

The producers emailed the co-ordinators again, 'Where are the stories?'
'In the post' came the reply. The producers waited three days then emailed the writer; 'Do you have the stories yet?'

'Yes' she replied.

Fire Pig (was golden pig)

Happy Chinese New Year of the fire pig for those of you who forgot to mark it down in your diary. It is actually being touted as a golden pig year. So I hunted high and low for a decent golden pig and found this odd thing on a website about 'responsible transplantation' (of all things) Did start a train of thought about cell memory (or whatever they call it)

I remember reading about a delusional woman in France who thought she had received Princess Di's still beating heart - or maybe it was another organ - (she'd undergone a transplant soon after that fatal car accident) She developed all of Di's mannerisms as a result. Imagine what having a pig's heart would do.. Anyway

Apparently the fire pig brings potential for things to get out of control. The golden pig year (when it comes, brings abundance and prosperity).

..fast forward. Stop.

Well I've been putting it off and putting it off (broadband being down was a good excuse) but here's the next instalment. Maybe I feel that this one is less about writing and more about 'getting on' with life - in fact I could sum it up in a single sentence:

I went and did all the things I wanted to do, before it was too late.

I packed up living in South East London, ran 5000 miles away across the sea to be in my (new) long-distance South African relationship, had a baby, got married, bought a nice house with a nice garden, renovated, made biscuits and here I am blogging about it.

Oh and I started writing rapidly for money - anything and everything and everywhere and as quickly as possible. My whole new approach was 'this is the only way I can stay at home with a baby and earn money and so I have to do it'.

The rapid writing thing actually started when my daughter was about 6 months old. Sitting in front of a PC is in fact a perfect occupation for a new mother. The baby, tucked into an armpit, quickly adapts to somniferous tapping (if kept regular).

If they paid, I wrote it. Deadlines became challenges. I wrote faster and faster. I tried to beat my own best times. I wrote internet travel video guides for places I'd never been to. In 3 months I wrote 22 half hour long scripts for the Ethiopian National Curriculum - schools TV. I churned them out. I wrote pitch documents for production companies for all kind of programmes and formats. I wrote articles for newspapers - (hub did the photographs) 2 hours to finish a script - or half an hour to get a rewrite in, I'd do it. I lost the ability to be precious.

I got work developing a brilliant drama series set in Namibia and mentoring new writers and flew to Namibia for workshops. Three months later the company dissolved. Then a children's series on African Sky stories was commissioned. I wrote and directed it.....
I wrote new feature scripts and blah and so on and other stuff...

And what happened to that script - the one I completed on 3 months sick leave? My long-standing 'friend-in-scripts' thought it was the best ever. Before I packed up my life to move to South Africa I sent it to Beeb Writersroom. Five months later in sunny Cape Town I opened a lovely letter saying they were recommending me to CBBC - who promptly lost the script and then when I re-sent it were a bit curious as to why I had. Being one of the chosen 10/10,000 per annum doesn't necessarily amount to much. Maybe a name added to a list in someone's office somewhere. Who knows?

Anyway here I am - still writing scripts and living hopefully ever after...

The End
(ha ha)



Happy Valentines day everyone!

Comments

Today I'm inviting comments from anyone (my 4 regular readers included) about anything. Your call.

Stuff

So broadband has been down now for a whole week and Telkom have finally admitted that it has nothing to with me tinkering with the router or the pots filter but it is actually their responsibility and there is a serious fault with the LAN. Did you know that South Africa's Telkom has the highest telephone charges in the world? (Well they never get their facts right so why should I) ..

So having been deprived of my number one method of desk-based procrastination - I've had to do other things like cook biscuits and watch TV and even talk to my family. Even found myself watching a repeat of '10 Years Younger' on BBC Prime with my daughter the other night (swiftly changing channels when the scalpels came out - of course)

Her: Why's she doing that?
Me: She wants to look younger
Her: Why?
Me: Because she doesn't want to look old
Her: Oh. Can I go on this programme?
Me: No
Her: Why not?
Me: Because you're 4½ and they would make you minus 5.

Normal blogging service (and the next 'writing life' instalment) will be resumed shortly I hope. Posting takes forever on dial-up and I always seem to notice an infuriating typo or floating colon right after I've posted and have to edit it straight away. Then I notice another..

In other news the UK/SA script rewrite is still on the back burner while they hum and ha over payment for a treatment. A children's TV series which I scripted and directed 2 years ago and which was commissioned for a 2nd series now seems to have moved to the front burner. I thought I had been booted off due to various tête a têtes but perhaps not. Sometimes it's best to feign ignorance. Watch this space. Plus had a positively encouraging rejection for a drama outline from the Beeb. Onwards! There's a Monday deadline to meet...

Offline

Broadband down for almost 36 hours now
*teeth gnashing sounds*

Can't do anything on dial up
*more teeth gnashing sounds*

Takes quarter of an hour for a page to load.
*gnash gnash gnash gnash*

Biscuits

Someone wanted to know how to make magic biscuits - I really can't remember - there's some here (but I can't vouch for them)

Ours had cinnamon in - in fact they were kind of like cinnamon shortbread. Its all in the mix - and for them to work - they have to get into the right mouths - you can't just leave them at reception..

Rewind, pause...

The office was closed down. The script that had attracted a record amount of development money was dead. I was signing on.

Some back story before I continue. Around the time the first euros came through, my soon-to-be-ex was dreaming about returning to his native* South Africa. I accompanied him to SA, taking Viki King's inspiring tome and knocked out a first draft script in 21 days. The ex stayed in South Africa and over the next year I flew back and forth several times. Johannesburg was alive - change was tangible - the mood - upbeat. I directed a dance documentary and taught a short screenwriting course.

I had an idea for a script set in SA. It was the antithesis to the 'commercial' story that I'd been slogging away at. I wrote it in London. By now the long distance relationship was over.

No one much liked the new script - it was edgy and unfamiliar. It was accepted for a directing lab in Ireland - 10 days of Guinness fuelled fun and bonding and filming scenes with actors - (including the brilliant Chewy).

I received a 6 month 'Restart' interview letter from the Job Centre. Dutifully I skipped off to London Bridge, sat in a room full of people, filled in multiple choice questions and did a brief interview. I was measured for a uniform, told to obtain police clearance, sent for a drug and alcohol test and a full medical. Somehow I'd slipped seamlessly into a full time job on the London Underground.

The 4 week training was full of transactional analysis and personality tests. Every test indicated that I was the most unsuitable employee for LU. I was an anarchist. I was not a team player. I was not consumer-oriented. 4 weeks flew by. Some participants were mysteriously shown the door amid rumours of 'spying' or 'bad references' or worse. The ones that remained started to feel smug. We drew diagrams of magnetic fields and learned about conductivity and the positive and negative rails. We did a track walk. We visited the Transport Museum and made site visits to Charing Cross Underground Station and analysed used tickets. On the last day of the course we got drunk and danced the night away in Camden. My brand new life had begun.

For months I crept across London at 3am, ghosted through empty stations, sipped tea in subterranean mess rooms, hid myself in platform boxes to make announcements (in exactly the same mournful tones as I'd heard others do for years); 'The next Southbound Bakerloo line service will be calling at.. I showed thousands of people how to get to where they were going. In uniform I was invisible. Then I was moved to the shiny new Jubilee Line extension. Beneath the transcendent architecture and countless cameras, there was no place to hide. I walked back and forth and back and forth along miles and miles of polished platform impatient for the next break, the next train, the next radio message, the next change of shift, the next rush hour, the next minute, the next time to go home...

After 18 months I couldn't stand it any longer. I went off sick on full pay. I wasn't going back. I had a whole new script in my head and it took me exactly 3 months to get it out. Then I handed in my notice.

tbc

* It later turned out he had a multiple personality disorder and was not South African at all - but that's another story.

February

Although 'summing up' a writing life is quite cathartic - there's still some way to go - so I'll pick it up again at some point. Thanks P for the prod.

Right now I think I'll return to the present. The intensive language course finished today with a little tea party. It means I can get back to some writing again..

False starts and setbacks

(For blog reasons no one is referred to by name.)

After the flurry of short film grants and the party years, came the long slog punctuated by false starts and setbacks. The metamorphosis from art filmmaker to screenwriter began.

I decided to do a screenwriting MA but after one term was accepted on a film school drama director's course and pursued that instead. One year later I dropped out.

The New Directors short had encouraged me to consider more 'mainstream' storytelling. I sent out ideas - widely - trying different places and schemes. Surprisingly people read them and weren't rude. Some called me for meetings. A script VIP recommended me for a 10 day residential screenwriting lab. A bunch of disparate screenwriters wrote, drank, bonded and were mentored by industry fundis. It was a turning point.

I came runner up in a newspaper script competition - the prize - a pitch meeting. Nothing came of my twitchy pitch but I developed the outline into a short treatment for submission to the ESF and was awarded 5000 euros to write the 'urban, coming-of age drama'. A later draft submitted to Media II was awarded a larger whack of development. By this time I had set up a company with a producer friend. I wrote and rewrote while "B" got on the phone and demanded finance from people. We had some meetings. We flew to Dinard and hobnobbed shamelessly. We held a reading. We made magic biscuits to entice prospective funders. Then it happened - a big VIP producer came on board, followed soon after by the biggest VIP producer in the world!*. We were hot. The script now had 3 producers! More development money came in. We held another reading for VIPs in Soho. We negotiated a spectacular soundtrack deal. Interest peaked. We cast. It seemed to be happening.

Except it wasn't really. There was a question ? mark over directing (there usually is for writer-directors.) I'd done 13 drafts. Development was going round in concentric circles. The script wasn't getting better or getting worse - it was getting stale. I was tired and it showed. By now, I'd been on it for 4 years.

Then the biggest VIP producer in the world* stepped off. I cried. "B" cried. Interest started to wane. The script drew comparisons to a film that just bombed (It was nothing like it). We began to despair. Unpaid bills piled up. The bailiffs came round. We borrowed money. The bailiffs came back. "B" found she was pregnant. We closed the office down. We tried to pretend it was ok for a while and kept on...

But it was a bit like on ER when they do defibrillation but it is already too late.

The script was dead. And I had to move on....

tbc.

*slight exaggeration